...ponderance. Not a word until I just made it up.
Lazy Sunday saw me clap eyes on yet another parenting column. I don't know why I read them. They draw me in like that angler fish in Finding Nemo with it's irresistible light, I cannot avert my eyes. Before I know it, and before i've got all my facts straight, I'm ranting and raving and people are rolling their eyes.
This one was discrediting the well practiced technique of discipline via the naughty step, or time out zone, or bloody bedroom before I throw something. It was claiming children are being punished for feeling negative emotion and that we should acknowledge this emotion rather than banish it. We should educate our children on how to manage it. Yes. Very well. Good point.
However, I take umbrage at such piffle. Firstly, when I am experiencing a negative emotion I find the best method is to self banish. I take myself to my naughty corner. I stomp off to a quiet place to wrangle my anger back to calm, and it's quite effective. I don't see why this cannot be used to 'educate' children to better manage their outbursts.
The next point is, when I am at that high pressure, irrational, "why the hell does no one do as they are asked, now I have play dough caked on 75% of my carpeted areas" state of mind, negative emotion teaching opportunities are not at the forefront of my mind. In fact, all I can see at the forefront of my mind is red. I'm not thinking clearly, all I'm seeking is a resolution. Now, please.
Good parenting doesn't happen in intense, sugar overload, long day situations and I resent being punished by experts for my lapses. I have, since replacing parenting books with crafty, house-y or foodie books, become far more confident and effective as a Mum. I feel far less insecure and can more easily fall back on my core, trying to raise decent people, values.
In fact, when I continued to read the column, I was happily vindicated in my choice to not listen to book smart, unsympathetic, contradictory parenting whackies. The alternative approaches suggested were a 'soothing' method where you effectively cuddle the ugly out of your child and 'sanctuary' time where you send junior off to regroup and recoup. Now, that to me is a big fat stack of common sense and exactly the approach I take with my two (when I am not in a seeing red rage).
When my daughter is lying on the floor in a dribbling, screaming, red faced tantrum over her socks being yucky, a cuddle and some quiet words are all she needs. Or, when my son is screaming and grraarrrrring at me in utter frustration at being asked to put his undies on, there is no chance of effective communication. So, dragging him reluctantly to his room and calmly pointing him towards some books or blocks works. Eventually. After he has attempted to kick the walls in.
Ultimately I think parenting is as simple as good people raise good people. If you have good values and a strong sense of what feels right and what doesn't you'll mostly do the right thing by your kids. The enemy of this kind of thinking is by far and away negative criticism, contradictory theory and intellectualized parenting. Go with your gut. And, parenting experts? Shut up.
It ain't, great but it has potential. I'm still fluffing around with the large scale illustrations and starting to ponder whether it might be a wise choice to play to my strengths and work on some single medium, sensitive, tonal works. The white, gesso background doesn't work with the grey lead so I'll try drawing on some nicer paper, with a more uniform surface. I'm really enthused just thinking about techniques and media. I shall get onto some more in between the current teacher husband on holidays, interruption to routine.
Daylesford Maker's Market has rolled around again. This time it's an earlier start at 9am and a different venue. Head to the Primary School this time, and buy some veggies while you're there. The Farmers Market runs alongside us crafty folk. Then toddle home to the footy if that's what floats your boat. Me? I might go and hang out in the supermarket while the grand final plays out...I'll have the place to myself!
Ha! I'll probably see you at the supermarket! I once went to a huge exhibition at the NGV on Grand Final Day - perfect timing. Following your gut is the approach we have taken with our little one almost all the time (continued sleeplessness early in his life drove me to a book and while it worked for us, I am very much a believer that there is no one size that fits all). I know that my husband and I can draw on our instincts to parent our child in a way that means he is likely to grow up to be happy, confident, considerate and an effective member of society. It's about how we want him to grow and as his parents, I believe we know better than any expert how to go about it.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely!! These books pray on the insecurities of new parents and often start with the assumption we are incapable. If only I'd believed those smart people who told me that deep down I'd know what to do, in those early days, I wouldn't have read so much drivel! See you in Coles at around, say, 2pm??!!
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